Why?

I really miss Kal when he's not here... I cried again last night, but I'm not sure why. I kinda wonder if he still loves Nikki. I feel really sick today. I'm wheezing a little. I wanna get my asthma checked out again. I love Kal... I know he'd never cheat, but my paranoia from the others still creeps up sometimes. I really don't feel well at all... I wonder what's up... I miss him... I miss his smile... I wish I coulda seen him last night... We didn't talk much last night, but it's okay. He's so excited to see his sister. I wish I had a sibling; it'd be nice. I dunno any other people who are only children. It gets boring being home alone all the time, and the pressure is so much greater with one kid. I wish I could say more about Kal today, but I don't know what to say other than the hole he filled feels like it's coming back... It's terrifying. I don't want him to leave... I really gotta change the way I am. I'm not interesting, smart, and certainly I'm not pretty anymore. Not now that I cut my hair. I regret it. So much. I love Kal... My feelings won't change a bit. But I'm scared I'm not good enough for him... He's perfect and I'm just a messed up jealous bitch... I kinda wonder how he can even stand me. He could be with so many other amazing girls, but he chose me. Why?

-Sammie